X-Men First Class Movie Review

Fist off, I am extremely excited for a future indie flick, Bellflower. The Director built custom cameras to get the look he wanted, plus some other stuff. Like flamethrowers, whateva, no biggie. He only built his first one when he was 12. http://www.imdb.com/title/tt1242599/

As always, spoiler alert.

I like seeing movies in the theater, because by the time the show starts I've forgotten what I'm there to see. When the movie finally began, I had somehow come to the conclusion we were there to see Green Lantern.

But I was just being crazy.

X-Men First Class

This movie was highly anticipated by some to be the best prequel ever. Not by me, because prequels are generally letdowns. But, I was slightly excited for this movie, as I love anything to do with superpowers or I suppose in this case, mutations. Plus, there's a wee little cameo by Wolverine which is always welcome.

Though the movie had some holes, the effects were of course brilliant, the 60's costumes were also well done, and James McAvoy (Charles Xavier) and Michael Fassbender (Magneto) performed in their roles very well, so the movie was saved- for the most part. One thing I'm very disappointing in the film world now, is that cgi is good, too good. It makes actual movie makeup look like a low budget attempt at creating a character. Take Beast for example. The cgi feet they give him when he is first Big Foot look fantastic. The feet unfurl, flex, and grab onto things. But when he changes fully into Beast and they use actual makeup on him, he looks terrible. His lips can't even touch each other, yet they allow him to continue to enunciate words perfectly? I don't think so. I think the world where movie makeup artists only straighten hair, and cgi experts create the real costumes is not so far off.

Favourite Quote: A lot of the lines in this movie were cheesy. I think people nowadays are trying too hard to make their films epic. They just need to keep it simple, and let the characters write themselves.

Sean Cassidy: I trust you. 
Professor Charles Xavier: I'm touched. 
Sean Cassidy: [pointing at Hank] I don't trust him. 
Professor Charles Xavier: [to Hank] Say nothing.

One of the few funny moments in the movie.

Favourite Character: Darwin. I was excited to see this guy adapt to all the different powers he would face, but nope. He dies, almost right away. After his power fails him, and he can't adapt to a bomb inside his throat. Why he couldn't adapt to this, I don't understand.

Least Favourite Character: Beast. And not because of the makeup. He was a real pushover in this movie, and I hate people who back down from who they are. "I just wanna be normal- waaah wahhh- I'm a pussy who can't see that I'm awesome, and that normal is the lamest thing ever". Yech, just accept yourself for who you are and rock it.

Favourite Scene: When Sebastian Shaw (Kevin Bacon) pulls the pin out of the grenade,  absorbs the energy of the blast, and uses it to disintegrate the man on his yacht. Impeccable effects.

Least Favourite Scene: When Charles Xavier forces Magneto to remember his mother, and the screen blurs, and flowers bloom, and Magneto's eyes swim with tears of memories thought lost... Yeah... It's that painful. And the two characters have a huge homosexual vibe running between them, which would be totally cool if they were supposed to be gay. Alas, they aren't. I think it's supposed to be a connection between two men who have found in each other what they hadn't in anyone else, but really, it just comes across as a hidden gay romance.

Aaaand on my searches, I found this gem.

Favourite Character in a Role: James McAvoy. Yes I said he played up the gay tones too much, but other than that, he did excellent in his role. I really believed that that's what Professor X might have been like as a younger man. Plus I thought his english accent was fantastic. Until I realized it's not an accent at all, he's really from London. 

Least Favourite Character in a Role: Kevin Bacon. Yes, I hate him, but I also think he did absolutely terrible in this movie. Why they cast him, I have no clue. His german was crap, but his russian almost made me cry. He speaks the foreign languages in a jolted, forced way, as if he had just learned them or something. And why would he speak english without an accent? How does that make any sense. He said he got his powers from the nuclear radiation, which is why he wanted to force another world war. Then he wouldn't have been affected until after he was born as a german into the german command. Hence, having a german accent.

Favourite Actor in General: I know this isn't going to make sense to anyone, but Caleb Landry Jones, the kid who plays Banshee. No, he hasn't really been in anything else major. He was in the Last Exorcism, and his role was creepy and small, but there's just something about the awkward/rude way he acts that I like. 

Least Favourite Actor in General: KEVIN BACON. I hate him so much. Just so, so much.

Good effects, ok powers, with a little bit of back story makes for some mediocre movie watching. Not going to be a classic, or one I'm going to come back to anytime soon.

Strawberry Fields Forever: My Trip on Mushrooms

Do you ever wonder what it's like to do mushrooms?
If you don't then you probably already tried them.

I wondered. I wanted to know what it was like. So I tried. The following is the best I can recall of my feelings, thoughts and actions on my trip.

The Introduction

First off, the ingestion. I was told they tasted like shit. It wasn't so bad. They didn't taste good, but I wasn't puking either. I ate a stem, I think. It was really chewy. Not in a gummy bear way, but in a way I imagine really soft bark mulch would be to chew. The taste lingered for a while, but I had brought a bottle of water with us, (we ate them outside) so I kept them down.

The Rising Action

Waiting for the effects to hit was odd. I think I was so anxious for the drug to hit that I thought even the slightest oddity was a 'vision'. I think it took about 45 minutes before what I was feeling was actually altered by the drug. The first thing I noticed was the air. It felt immediately cooler and seemed to feel it's way through each strand of my hair, right to my scalp. Walking home, the shadows all seemed elongated. The road slowly stretched on farther and farther. Finally we made it home, and about five minutes later I realized that the air and the shadows had only been a tease of the trip I was about to go on.

The Climax

The trip itself was like nothing I had experienced before. You hear people talk about crazy things like fighting rainbows, talking walls and singing clocks, but you don't know it 'til you see it. I was with two friends,  Nick* and Dustin*. I was sitting on the couch and Nick was in the bathroom. I heard him say, "The floor is moving!" and I knew we were going to trip hard. I laughed. He came out and lay on the bed and we all sat in silence for a little while saying nothing, but letting the mushrooms gain a deeper hold on us. 

I looked at my friend on the bed, and realized he was seeing something above him. Not day dreaming, or gazing lazily, but full on seeing something that wasn't there. When I asked what he was doing, he said "What?.. Oh, you made it leave."

I asked, "Made what leave?"

"The face on the ceiling," and he smiled, a dark, devious smile. The kind of smile twisted impossibly with both fear and happiness. Like the one Donnie Darko gets when he's trying to stab the eye of Frank. And Nick whispered to his unseen face, "I liked it."

And that's it, that's when my trip started going downhill. When it turned from an odd adventure into the scariest hours of my life.

I saw Nick, saw where he was looking, but couldn't see what he was looking at. I realized that we had been slowly slipping into our own worlds, and there was no coming out. No way to explain what each of us was seeing. I was scared, I was absolutely horrified. I was lost to the drug and it gave no hint of letting up. So I lay there, seeing what I was told I would see. The windows were morphing, stretching and expanding. The ceiling was pressing down on me then shooting up to the sky. And the one thing I could not stop looking at was the wall next to me. 

It had grease marks on it from human hands, and the way the natural oils caught the light, it sparkled with the intensity of a thousand diamonds. The marks moved and came together to form the shapes of people. People with long delicate limbs, and tall slim torsos. People without faces, people who danced. These slender shimmering sprites moved to a music unheard, but if I listened hard enough I could hear the faint tinkling of bells, and the tiny footsteps of a handful of joyous fairies. It was the most beautiful thing I had ever seen.

And I started to cry. 

I knew they weren't real, I knew nothing I saw could physically harm me, but it didn't matter. Because I was trapped. I was totally out of control. I was stuck in a place where my mind was moving a mile a minute, but my body wasn't moving at all. It wasn't that what I was seeing was especially terrifying, it was the fact that I was seeing it alone, and couldn't stop it. It's like a waking dream that you have no control over. The drug is a strong virus, that infiltrates your mind and plays with it. Plucking at the strings of your imagination and fear. Showing you a magical world that doesn't exist. A very wonderful prison, but you're trapped nonetheless.

Nick saw my tears and came to comfort me. He asked what was wrong and I tried to explain myself. But it was hard to concentrate. The shadow of the decorative birdcage had drawn out long and ominous on the wall, and a big black crow stared out at me with hungry eyes. I closed my eyes and tried to think. 'Nick wants to know my problem... What is my problem?' So I told him about my loss of self control, but for all his comfort I knew he was still on his own trip. So I laid on the couch, trying to forget his haunting smile at the ceiling, while the guys went for a smoke. 

When they came back they sat with me as I cried. I remember repeating, "I don't like it, I hate it, I just want it to stop." Over and over again. I saw the clock on the microwave, and begged the digital numbers to move faster, so I could escape the hallucinogenic dungeon. Nick talked with Dustin. The more they talked the better I felt. Because that way I didn't feel so alone. If I could hear them, I knew I was with them. Until I kept getting dragged back into myself.

I glanced at the clock. 2:01 AM. My emotions were torn. I would laugh then cry, then laugh then cry. I said to Nick, "I'm sorry, I can feel my face changing emotion all the time. I don't mean to keep smiling then crying." Nick turned to me confused. "But you're not changing at all. You've been crying this entire time."

At this point I stopped. I didn't know what to say. I was sure I'd been switching emotions over the past ten minutes. I looked at the microwave, 2:01 AM. Not even a minute had passed. It was all in my mind. This just heightened the sense that my actual being was separated from my physical body. I shuddered and went back to crying -no wait- continued to cry, since I had never stopped. 

I listened to Nick and Dustin talk. At the slightest lull in conversation I jumped in, begging them to keep speaking. 

Now, I couldn't tell you a thing they said, but I feel like their words were the only things that kept me sane.

Denouement

After what felt like years, but had only been about 15 minutes, Nick said, "I'm coming out of it. You'll be ok." This was the greatest thing I had ever heard. As I lay, I was teetering on the precipice of overwhelmed sadness, but if I ever felt myself slipping, I'd prod Nick to make sure he was still 'coming out of it'. After another hour of this, I realized I was actually calm enough to sit up a bit. I joined in the conversation here and there. As long as I didn't think about Nick and the ceiling face, or my sense of impending doom and the fear of being at the mercy of my own mind forever, I was ok.

Slowly I calmed enough for us to do something. I had begged the boys not to go for a walk earlier. I knew they would have walked for hours and hours, and I'd have been left alone. So they stayed, and now I was well enough along to recovery that they hooked up the gamecube and played some good 'ol super smash bros. I laid on the bed and watched, feeling the mattress and covers swallow me whole. But no longer was I scared. I still feared what had happened, but I knew it was ending. So we turned off the game and went to bed. I slowly fell asleep to Supersmash Brothers playing out on the wall beside me. 

Super Movie Review

Project Free TV is possibly my favourite website of all time. Higher even than stumbleupon?! Maybe. You can watch almost all tv shows ever online for free, with no downloading and no watch limit.

Movies too. Good quality (for being free) cam versions of recently released movies.

I had been anticipating for a while to see one movie on the website, and recently it appeared.

http://www.free-tv-video-online.me/movies/2010/super.html
(a lil gift for you)

Super

This indie flick stars Rainn Wilson, popularly known as Dwight from The Office. What that's not enough to make you watch it? How about Ellen Page? No? Liv Tyler? Kevin Bacon?! Ok well how about a superhero who uses a wrench to fight crime? If I have you convinced, awesome. If not, go fuck yourself.

All of you not currently performing fellatio on your own, please read on.

Favourite Quote: How am I supposed to tell crime to shut up if I have to shut up?


Favourite Character: The Crimson Bolt. Such a real, honest, and absolutely psychotic superhero never existed  before. The Crimson Bolt is out there. He's harsh, he's violent, and he's very short tempered. I prefer The CB  to the real man, Frank. He uses a wrench as a weapon, and not in a nice, 'hey you're doin bad stuff please stop' kind of way. More in a 'this wrench can break your face' kinda way.

Least Favourite Character: Libby. Yes, she is hilarious, and yes her over-excitement about murdering someone is refreshing to see, but one scene ruined the whole character for me. I couldn't look at her the same. And then she got shot in the face. So she couldn't look at me the same. In the end we just didn't have a connection anymore.

Favourite Scene: Frank is waiting in live for movie tickets, when suddenly a couple budges. People complain a little bit and he tells the man to get to the back of the line. When the man refuses, Frank runs over to his car and quickly changes in his back seat into his costume. Two seconds later the man who budged gets a wrench to his forehead, and his skull splits open. The makeup is phenomenal, and the scene is so hilarious, because you don't see it coming. I guess now you will... What did I tell you about reading my reviews before you watch the movie?!

Least Favourite Scene: The rape scene. Normally rape is not the most pleasant thing to watch, but this one was especially uncomfortable for me. Maybe because it was a she violating a he, maybe because Ellen Page is just a fucked up rapist, or maybe because of their age difference and because Frank is so upset by it. Either way, this is what completely killed the Libby character for me. I hated every second of the scene. I know some indie films "go where no other film has gone" but for me there's just some places I don't want to go at all. But good on them for taking the trip, I just would have liked to get off one stop sooner.

Favourite Actor in a Role: Rainn Wilson. He's awkward, desperate, passionate, and Liv Tylers undeserved knight in shining armor. At first you think, 'ohai dwight!!' but then you end up thinking 'this guys fucked... and I totally relate' so it's perfect.

Least Favourite Actor in a Role: Liv Tyler. She just didn't do it for me. I guess she didn't have much to act, but for what I saw of her I wasn't overly impressed.

Favourite Actor in General: Ellen Page. Yes I hated her character, but she played it to a T. And Ellen's had me since Juno. She's talented and natural and just so darned cute.

Least Favourite Actor in General: Kevin Bacon. Not even in Footloose did I like him. He creeps me out. But not in a bad guy way, just in a 'I secretly collect cabbage patch kids' way.

All the workings of a classic indie movie, this film is sure to be on the cool eclectic kids list of faves. With a few static characters, some awesome gore scenes and awkward out the ying yang, this movie's worth a watch. Oh, and Frank has visions which only add to the film. I give this movie one wink, a hat tip, and a bum tap, in that order, or maybe all at once.

Five Books That You Should Read

Happy June!

It's a new month, and summer finally looks like it's gonna show up. I just got back from a short trip to Kelowna. No more braces, fuck yeah!

I also finished the very first draft of my screenplay, and just found out that I got accepted to film school! I can't stop smiling, I look like I'm on Prozac 24/7.

I've read a lot of books, and have an extremely soft spot for bizarro fiction. Though it's really hard to find. Here's a few books I read recently that really stand out for me, and definitely stay on my "share the love shelf".

Invisible Monsters

-Chuck Palahniuk

Chuck P's books are amazing. Every single one has blown me away and completely changed my thought process. If I ever need a wake up call, I'll read a Chuck P book. The way he writes is harsh, creative and above all, honest. He creates characters that feel what all of us feel, but they actually accept who they are. Or at least admit their flaws. Unlike other novels, his books don't leave you with a feel good sensation after completing them. It's like you've had a peek into the heart of the world, into the mind of other humans. Invisible Monsters is my favourite because it's so simple in it's complications.

The characters, story, setting, writing, all of it snatches you up right away, and at the end of the novel you feel as though you've learned more about yourself than the story you just read.

A Clockwork Orange

-Anthony Burgess

If you didn't know, the phenomenal and controversial film was based on this novel. Sipping on milkplus, Alex and his friends dip into a bit of the ultraviolence, rape, and Beethoven. Though difficult to adjust to his writing style, once you do Burgess takes you to a world of gang violence, crazy slang, and a debate of free will. If a book doesn't make you think, it's nothing special, and so many books these days are just "Chick Flicks" in word form. If you challenge yourself to read this, you will not regret it, and it can only make you appreciate the film that much more.

Angeldust Apocalypse

-Jeremy Robert Johnson

This is a great intro for anyone looking to check out bizarro fiction. A collection of short but memorable stories is all I needed to get me hooked on the genre. These stories are often in post-apocalyptic worlds, or future sci-fi nations. If you like fantastical places and strange people, you'll most likely enjoy this book. If you've seen some of what people are calling "mindfuck movies" like Naked Lunch, you should check out BF.

Brother to Dragons, Companion to Owls

-Jane Lindskold

A beautiful autistic girl who can only speak in quotes is kicked out of the asylum for not being crazy enough to survive the budget cutbacks. When the people that ditched her suddenly decide to hunt her down, her newfound street family (a bunch of renegades that live by the 'law of the wolf') have to help her to survive.

This story takes place in the near future, and the author rights with elegance and careful nuances. Not extremely harsh or vulgar like Chuck P's books, but also not as memorable. While this book wasn't life changing, it was a fun read with an original concept behind it.

Rebel Without A Crew

-Robert Rodriguez

This is not a novel but a sort of biography. Robert Rodriguez documents his life as he saves up for and makes his first film, and how he became successful. Whether or not you're planning on going into film, this book is inspirational, and funny too. Not to mention it's just an interesting story.

Now go read, you nerds.