Truth, Beauty, Freedom, and Love

365 Days of Creativity

day fifty five

Truth, Beauty, Freedom, and Love

Do you ever feel like you are on a completely separate intellectual level from everyone else? Perhaps intellectual isn't the right word. I don't mean more knowledgable on a subject, or with a greater talent at word problems or math. And not quite emotional levels. Everyone feels fear, anxiety, pain, awe. This level is a mixture of intellectual and emotional, but deeper than them as well.

Maybe this is what being an "old soul" feels like. To not know or feel something, but to be something that everyone else is not. And not to simply be an individual, but to understand in some "spiritual" way truths that others could not even fathom?

The struggle to put into words what I am, it's almost painful. To not be able to express what I mean by feeling alone. And it's not defined by being physically or emotionally abandoned with no friends or family, but in your soul, feeling separated. Detached almost, from reality itself.

Every conversation, every exchanged word and worry, even those you take part in, seem utterly and completely trivial. Infinitesimal beside what you are. Sometimes, to take part in certain conversations is pointless to the brink of pain. Wasting words and time let alone thoughts on these matters is so disturbing, it makes you physically nauseous. The anger and outrage at being asked such trivial questions is insulting to who you are. A blow thrown at the very definition of yourself.

How do you live, how do you continue to care about money, relationships, insults or comments when your soul is so near to the surface? When you are so true to the point of bursting? When the lack of general clarity in the world is so overwhelming? All you want to do is run to the sun and be enveloped in it's superseding warmth.

I am troubled. I am greedy. Not in the material sense, but in ways of understanding. "Knowledge" for lack of a better word, is the only thing I search for. I don't want money or love or power, I simply want to be.

I want to sit in a pillowy hammock and feel the heat on my face. I want to stare at the endless ocean. I want to listen to the stories of the sea and the songs of the wind. I want to understand, and be understood.

I want to sit by a fire in an oversized chair, cradled as in the womb. I wish to do nothing but read. To read and read and soak up all of the knowledge in the entirety of existence. I want to be taken to worlds unrealized, and discover in them truths in myself. And in the end, I wish to take everything I've learned and share it. To give the gift of inner peace to everyone. I wish to stir society. To shake and crumble the foundation, every cold pillar it's been built on. I want to tear down the statue of shallowness. To replace it and to pull back the curtain and reveal nothing but a light. To give a show of sincere and total knowledge. To allow others to be able to, and to join them in the pure joy of being. Let us understand one another.

Let us know? Nay!

Let us feel? Nay!

Let us be the world.

I implore you to evaluate your priorities. What does your mind migrate to? What thoughts fill your head daily?

Truth, beauty, freedom and love. We idolize and strive for them, but are they not the same thing? Isn't the truth freedom? Isn't love beautiful? Isn't beauty freedom and love truthful? These are not merely words, these are the definitions of life. These are not attainable, because you already possess them. The four ideals combine into one single, flawless essence. 

You.

They reside already within yourself, you merely need to bring them forth. To know anything, or anyone, you first need to know yourself.